cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Is it penis luge time yet?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
