The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
