just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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