I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
