i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
