Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
