New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
