Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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