if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
