I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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