What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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