so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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