I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
