Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
