My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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