You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
