He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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