Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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