i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
