I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
