hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I am naked and annoyed.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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