Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
