soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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