I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
