What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
