It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
