i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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