We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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