dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
