need another drink. this is the easiest way
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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