dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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