she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
