Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
