Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
