This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
