Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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