I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
