ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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