Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
they need to just BURY HIM!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
