he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She bit a glass in half.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
