I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
