Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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