I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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