so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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