Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Four minutes until I can fart!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
