Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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