2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
