I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
