She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
be right there i have to get my cape
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
