hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm really busy with my period
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