Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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