I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
