Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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