just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
