When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm passing your future prison.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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