Duck Duck Cougar?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
