Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
