Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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