At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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