just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
