I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
