So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
