I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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