I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I am midnight drunk by noon
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
