I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
