Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
