You're so nebulous sometimes
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
