Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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