I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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