Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
