We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
