god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
