i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
