its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
