I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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