the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
