I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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