nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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