During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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