I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
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i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
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Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize