You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
