dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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