Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
