Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
