thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
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These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
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My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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